Good morning, this is Asato, a life coach with a journal.
As I mentioned in the previous post, our Christmas and New Year has been a poorly one. It was the worst fever I had in a few years, and I am still struggling to fully recover from it.
Despite it being quite horrible, one week of literally doing nothing was a given gift for me. I tend to hustle through the last week of the year, already thinking about what to come.
While I was in bed, and when my brain was somehow functioning, I was reflecting on the questions that we went through during our “Year-end reflection workshop”.
In this article, I want to unpack the questions one by one for us to digest. And also share my thoughts on how reflection is more important than setting new goals at this season of life.
I totally understand that forgetting the past and diving into the crispy new year is so much fun. But let’s take a pause and reflect on what’s really going on.
Reflection is more important than setting another goals
This is the season of the year where you see so many “goal setting” and “new year resolution” concepts.
With the new year starting, I do understand the urge that things would magically change and that “New year, New me” mode auto-start.
Well, that’s magical, but not the reality.
I, as a life coach & from my past experience, setting goals is so fun. But unless you assess your current situation, setting a goal is just drawing a nice picture to hang on the wall and then to forget about it in a couple of weeks.
What is important is not “New year, New me”. My focus right now, and the objective of this article is to share my thoughts on “New year, More me”.
Because “me” will not change, even when you jump at a countdown party (or you simply fell asleep not waking up at all even with the fireworks going on – yes, it is me).
Because “me” will not maintain the motivation for the next 12 months, let’s look at the reality and see where “me” is standing.
Three questions to ask before thinking about new goals
In order to see where “me” is standing, there are several questions that we used during “year-end reflection workshop”. Very simple but it took more time than I expected, so get your notebook and pen ready, with a cup of coffee/tea.
What were the highlights of the year?
Divide the notebook page into four sections and this will be your quarterly review page.
On the first box, write Jan/Feb/Mar and review the highlights from these months. The more you sit, the more it will come out. Don’t focus on the SUPER big things, but try to list up small happy moments, too.
Once you’ve gone through all four boxes, open your camera roll. Review again from January till December.
It is quite surprising how many small happy highlights have already slipped out of our brains! Make sure to capture them in your notebook. You might be surprised, “my not so interesting year” was filled with so many moments.
What do I want to do more of?
Looking at the list of the fun moments, review them and see what kind of activities you want to do more in the coming year.
We tend to focus on adding something new, especially around the new year season, but there are already so many things we do in our life (to some extent that it’s overwhelming already!).
So rather than thinking of adding (that’s for later), think about what I want to do more of. And how can I deepen the experience?
Here are the things that I came up with, when I was reviewing my notes. These are not huge activities but small and happy moments that I want to increase more of. It doesn’t take much time or money, but those will definitely level up the quality of my daily life.
Asking friends out for coffee chats more often (more on one-on-one occasion, than family gathering situations)
Taking individual kid for a date afternoon (for quality mama & boy moments)
Reading more books (monthly book downloading + evening ritual)
We often think about starting something new, but it is so much easier to “do more” or “do deeper” the things you already do. Think of how you can level up the things that you already enjoy doing.
Rather than looking for “New Year, New Me”, look for the things you already love. “New Year, More Me” comes from doing “More” of what you like and enjoy. You don’t need to challenge yourself to become the New You.
What will I stop doing?
No, we are not adding anything yet.
The reason is very simple. Because our life is busy!!
It’s the time of the year when we want to sign up for a marathon training or monthly subscription for learning a new language.
But wait. You might have a good motivation at this moment, but do you really have time for it?
Before thinking of adding something new, firstly we need to make a space. Here comes a famous Japanese way of thinking. Dan-sha-ri, decluttering.
Until we have extra space in our calendar, we cannot add new habits. You are adding more to the calendar only to feel terrible, and then end up saying “it wasn’t for me anyway” within two weeks.
So, what do we do?
We think about getting rid of unnecessary stuff in our calendar. As we are going through the year, you might have noticed some negative highlights of the year. Or even looking at an old calendar, you might notice some boring gathering that you went to but ended up being a waste of time.
Here are the things that I came up with. It’s a bit embarrassing to share but it’s the reality.
I will stop scrolling phones (I’m working on several projects at the moments so more on this in the coming posts)
I will stop worrying about outcome/what others think of me (wasting time before starting some projects)
I will stop saying Yes to staying late in office (I work half-day only, but that’s my contract so no need to feel guilty and stay longer)
I will stop using several SNS platforms (updating each and every platform is exhausting. It’s time to choose and focus)
Having better boundaries toward gathering and phone will be my main challenge of the year.
This way, I will have more time and energy for myself, that I can pour into more creative activities or relationships with family or friends. This extra time will be poured into “More Me” kind of activities.
Where am I standing right now…?
It’s a simple question but we tend to forget it especially during this “New Year!” vibe. So many of us start looking for something nice and fancy without knowing where I am at the moment.
Because I have seen pretty photos of Paris on Instagram, I decided to walk and look for the Eiffel tower. It will be a perfect coffee date for self-reflection. Start the year strong!
Because I have seen cool photos of Mount Kilimanjaro, I am heading to the mountain and going for a hike. It’s good for my health and I will be proud of the hike.
But if you don’t know where you are at the moment, you will end up marching forever. Well, living in Rwanda, if I walked A LOT, I might get to Mt. Kilimanjaro in the neighboring country, but you know what I mean.
Before adding something new, or before starting moving, first we need to locate where we are. Just as we do when we check the route on Google maps. If you haven’t figured out where you are, no matter how you put Eiffel tower for your destination, you will not get a route. Same goes for our life.
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Today’s journaling prompt: What would “new year, more me” mean to you?
Love this, one of my favourite posts so far!